Thursday, March 25, 2010

1 Week, 1 Day

I can hardly believe it has been 1 week and 1 day since we found out. It had to be the slowest, and yet fastest week all in one. My mind is still having a hard time grasping how it can be over with so quickly. We got a call last Wednesday at about 1 p.m. saying that "R" was going to sign and congrats, only to be called back about three hours later to hear that it fell through. Life changed in an instant, and just like that, our "child" was gone. Until the day I die, I will pray for "R" and wonder about the baby. With tears in my eyes,  and with my heart breaking, I know it is the will of God and that His timing is perfect, but it does still hurt.

Perhaps the hardest thought for me is jumping back into waiting. I hate waiting. I am literally physically sick of waiting. It means ups and downs emotionally, and going days, possibly even weeks without any new news. If I start to think about it too much, I feel suffocated at the thought of how long it could be. If you would all please pray that God could lift that heaviness, I would really appreciate it. It seems so heavy and really hard for me to take at times.

While we wait, I go back to praying for the child that is to be ours, the birthmom, our girls, and us. I pray that God would prepare all of us in every aspect. God obviously has an incredibly special baby just for us and there has to be reasons on why He has us wait even longer. So I pray for God to fulfill in our lives, or the baby, or the birthmom, those reasons.


  1. Oh Vanessa,

    I can only imagine, trying to balance the pain with trust. I join you in praying for R and that tiny babe, I pray she would raise her child in love, I pray that she would be blessed, having their physical and spiritual needs met in abundance, I pray that she would teach him about Jesus. At the same time I pray for your family. I pray that you will continue to grow in Him! There is a song that makes me think of you every time I hear it. It's called While I'm Waiting by John Waller I pray that you will be able to serve and worship while you continue to wait for the child God has already created for your family!

  2. Rhyan, you definitely can imagine as your pain is similar, but different. Thank you for praying for both "R" and babe. Thank you too for praying for us. It is such a balance. I love that song, although I will admit that at times in this adoption process, I have hated it! :) Thank you, thank you for the reminder though to worship God while we wait!

  3. Vanessa,

    I too, want to encourage you to fix your eyes on Jesus, the lover of your soul. In praise and thanksgiving to him through prayer, song and practical love to Chris and the girls, God will get you through the waiting.

    God is moving on your behalf today! You are so loved!

    Praying for you.

    We will be at the Naz on Easter
    (9:30 service). Not sure if you still attend there.

    I am praying for you,

  4. Julie, thank you for the reminder to turn to Jesus and to know that He is taking care of it. It's not easy, but I am slowly giving up my control and giving it to Him instead.

    Thank you for praying for us!

    We actually go to Life now so I won't see you, but have a blessed Easter! :)

  5. While you are trusting God,instead of worrying so much about when he will bring you a new baby why not just let go since you know He is in control and just focus on yourselves and the two little girls you gave birth to...Let them have mommy to themselves while they can and enjoy just the two girls while you can because you know it's only going to get busier with a third child. Just enjoy what you have and let God take care of the rest, that way you don't have to be so drained.
    “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

  6. Krista, I am enjoying every moment with my girls, while still looking ahead as to what is to come! I know God will not give me more than I can handle, so the thought of three isn't too scary! :)


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