Saturday, April 16, 2011

A Letter From Her Birthmom

It arrived almost two weeks ago. In a non-descript envelope from our agency. Thinking it was finally Xiomara's updated birth certificate, I rushed to open it. Instead, a single white sheet addressed to Vanessa, Chris, & Girls, fell to my lap.

It was from her; "J" our birthmom.

For the first time in 9 months we heard from her. Directly. I've been in contact with our social worker from Georgia and heard little bits and pieces that "J" has been ok with her sharing, but otherwise it has been silent.

And I hated the silence. I wanted to know that she was ok. I wanted to know if she still was happy she placed her daughter with us.

She is ok and she still feels confident in her placement. She is extremely grateful that we are still sending her letters and pictures even though we are no longer obligated to do so.

But, and there always seems to be a but...she referred to Xiomara as her daughter the whole letter.

It bothered me and I'm not sure it should have being that Xiomara is her daughter. That reality doesn't go away just because she placed her for adoption. Yet can she also be mine? The big question is: Can Xiomara have two moms who both love her? One who grew her in her tummy, and loved her enough to choose an adoption plan for her. And one who grew her in her heart and loved her enough to accept her for who she is no matter what.

The answer: I think so. Because that is the life I'm living right now. The life I chose. I'm working through these emotions and experiences as they hit me one at a time.

Any other adoptive mamas have advice for me? Is what I am feeling normal? I'd also love to hear from birthmoms on this issue if you are willing to share.