Sunday, June 10, 2012

A Decision That Changed Forever

It's been two years. Two years to the day since the phone rang and my life was forever changed. Two years since your firstmom sat in a room with an amazing woman named Clarissa, and a pile of family profiles, and somehow, was drawn to the one that said Christopher & Vanessa. Two years since Clarissa made that call to our social worker, who then phoned me; a busy mom of a just turned three and one year old. Desperately trying to hurry those two girls to nap time. Although incredibly late to naps, I rushed to the phone that day in the hopes that just maybe it was the call we had been waiting close to two years for. Never in a million years did I ever think it really would be.

I remember the tears in my eyes when she told me that we were to have another little girl due on our anniversary, August 9th. I remember calling your daddy and in a rush of breath explaining that "It's a girl! We were chosen again". I remember daddy being so very, very nervous that we would have another heart breaking failed adoption. 

In many ways, it is on this day, my half birthday, that your story with us begins. I always think of your birthmom on this day. I can't help but wonder what was going through her mind the day she first laid eyes on us. Did she dream of me holding you in my arms? Did she dream of daddy spinning you around in the air? Did she ever imagine it would be this hard? This beautiful?

I'm not sure any of us imagined it to be like this. So amazing! So hard! So beautiful! And it all started two years ago today.