Friday, July 31, 2009


Anyone that knows me knows that I hate making decisions. I just sit there and think of all the "what ifs" that are out there. So needless to say, when I got a phone call this week concerning some things with our adoption, I was back to hating making decisions.

Here is what we were presented with this week: Our home study is just about a year old. Thus, it needs to be updated. That in and of itself isn't a real big problem. They just update it with anything new that has happened in our lives, etc. It does however cost $800 to renew. We do have the money for that, except it was going to be money set aside for the actual adoption, not the home study. However, I know God will provide when it comes to the adoption.

So, back to our decision. As I told you in my last post, we need to make a family profile. My plan was to work on it this week, but time has literally gotten away from me, and I have not been able to yet. However, here is our dilemma, most of the agencies that our agency work with do not want family profiles in which a child in the home is under a year old. Sigh...this means us. :( There are a few agencies that don't care, but in that situation, we would be presented to the birth mom as a "just in case". Meaning a birth mom may be presented with 4 families and doesn't think any of those match her situation, so they might pull our family profile out as a "just in case none of the other families work". See where I am going with this? If our profile is only shown a handful of times, the chance of us being chosen to adopt in the next year is slim. If we aren't chosen, we have to update our home study again next year, thus another $800. We also would need to create a whole new "updated" family profile next year, so again, more money and time. Sigh...and there is where the decision lies.

Do we update now and take that chance or do we wait to update until Meridian is a year old? In my heart (Vanessa) I think I know the answer to this question, but Chris and I haven't had much time to discuss it yet, so we haven't come to an answer. So, I come here to ask my faithful prayer warriors that God would give us a united decision. One that gives us complete and total peace no matter the outcome in the end.

Friday, July 24, 2009

He directs!

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.
Proverbs 21:1

Isn't this so true? My heart, your heart, our hearts, are in the hand of the Lord and He directs it wherever He pleases. Amazing scripture that a dear friend shared with me this week in regards to our adoption. No matter what happens, God has my heart and He directs the desires within my heart. I have no say in the matter, which is actually quite freeing, and He will direct my heart where to go.

We had great news yesterday and it took me until today to get here to post it! :) Our agency called and apparently, they had their board meeting early. They did decide that there needs to be a six month wait (after an adoption or bio child) before introducing a new child into the home through adoption. I was so bummed when she said that, but then she told me that they are going to "grandfather" us in as this rule was not put into place when we first started! :) Praise God. See, He is directing all our hearts no matter our course.

So now we need prayers, (don't we always need prayers?) for us to complete a family profile. This was something we were not told to do beforehand. It is a book of pictures, explanations, and a "Dear Birth mom" letter that goes out to the agencies so that birth moms can "see" our family. It does require some time for me to complete, time without two little ones. So pray I find that time. It also can be a little expensive to print off these books (we need about 15 copies). So, could we ask for prayers for a good deal? I do have the "Dear Birth mom" letter complete, I just need to digitally scrapbook the book together. If anyone has any hints or tips on digital scrap booking, please send them our way!

I wanted to end this post on a picture of our two beautiful little girls.

They literally have become little buddies together. Zoelle is so good to Meridian and Meridian just adores Zoelle. In fact, if Zoelle and I are both looking at Meridian, Mer doesn't pay any attention to me, but "talks" and smiles at Zoelle instead! So sweet!

Thank you for your encouraging words and prayers, we could not take this journey without you! Blessings!

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Real Me

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within...

I need to be real. What? Haven't you already been being real Vanessa? Yes, I have, but there are some things with this adoption in which I couldn't be real. It has been hard for me not to be transparent. I think Chris would agree with me when I say I am sick of telling people that we "may adopt at any moment". While in some ways that is true, in others it may not be true. Confused? So are we!

You see, we need some major prayers. To start at the beginning. Last July we met with our social worker to start the adoption process. We asked then, because we knew it was a possibility, about whether or not a pregnancy would affect our adoption. We were told no. However, after becoming pregnant with Meridian, that changed and we were told to just wait. I think I have officially lost track of how many times we have been back on with the adoption, only to find out later that we were off. This is one of those times of being off. I can't really go into detail, nor do I have the energy to, but be in prayer on July 28th. There will be an official agency meeting with a rule set in stone as to if pregnant families may adopt, and how soon after they can adopt. We are now the latter. I cannot even begin to tell you how broken I am feeling right now. How scared. This is my life long dream and one in which my husband has grown to desire as well. I should let you know that our social worker does not for see this as being a problem, but prayers are so needed and appreciated!

I also need to let you know that we did not receive a grant from Shaohannah's Hope, which is now known as Show Hope. I can't say I'm surprised as they are the most well known adoption grant organization, thus lots of applications. However, I am still disappointed and trying to understand where God is leading us in this journey as right now, this adoption seems so impossible.

Let me just close in saying that the name God gave us for this little one truly fits all that has happened in our adoption. That alone is sustaining me in believing that God will follow through in His promise to us.

...Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Here I say I'm going to keep this blog updated weekly and have I? Nope! Sorry about that. We have been enjoying so many great days together recently that by the time night comes and everyone is in bed, I am too tired to write! I figure it's time to update a little about each one of us and how we are each doing.

Chris: Is very busy with work! This is a huge blessing to us and our family, however it can get draining on him to work so hard each day (I'm proud of you hon). Can I ask for all of your prayers that God would sustain him each day, and bless him in whatever way he needs?

Vanessa: I am doing great! I love being a mom to my two little girls. Can I ask that you would pray that I am a gentle mom in my parenting and that God gives wisdom in my parenting. With Chris being gone more, I am left on my own many times to parent. As we all know, that can be draining. God is good though, and He is providing me with much needed strength.

Zoelle: Our little Zoelle Grace is growing up! She is witty, ever so sweet, and a very determined little girl! :) I love her though. She is such a good big sister. I just ask that you pray for an obedient heart from her and that God continues to help her be prepared to become a big sister again.

Meridian: What a content little babe she is! She is now smiling and starting to "talk" to us each day. She is a joy. Pray that the transition for her to become a big sister (most likely that is) will go well and that she can continue to be content and sweet.

Adoption: Oh how I wish I could share with you the name we have picked out for our child. But, for now, we feel compelled to wait on God. Prayers are needed though for our adoption. We have our Gift of Adoption review of our application in August. Of course, they have told us that they were reviewing our application since May, but keep pushing us it may not be August. Yet, prayer for it never hurts. We should also be hearing back from Shaohannah's Hope at some point soon. Lastly, if you could pray for God to guide our hearts in a decision if a situation does arise. Since we have decided to follow God, our home study is "out there" for review by birthmoms. We may easily be picked or hear of a situation that we need to have an answer for. Pray for God, and Him only, to guide our decision. Not finances, timing, etc.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I just felt that this post should be a little update on us and how you can uphold us in prayer. If you have prayer needs that you need, feel free to let us know and we would be more than happy to pray for you. :) Blessings and enjoy this beautiful weather!