But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within...
I need to be real. What? Haven't you already been being real Vanessa? Yes, I have, but there are some things with this adoption in which I couldn't be real. It has been hard for me not to be transparent. I think Chris would agree with me when I say I am sick of telling people that we "may adopt at any moment". While in some ways that is true, in others it may not be true. Confused? So are we!
You see, we need some major prayers. To start at the beginning. Last July we met with our social worker to start the adoption process. We asked then, because we knew it was a possibility, about whether or not a pregnancy would affect our adoption. We were told no. However, after becoming pregnant with Meridian, that changed and we were told to just wait. I think I have officially lost track of how many times we have been back on with the adoption, only to find out later that we were off. This is one of those times of being off. I can't really go into detail, nor do I have the energy to, but be in prayer on July 28th. There will be an official agency meeting with a rule set in stone as to if pregnant families may adopt, and how soon after they can adopt. We are now the latter. I cannot even begin to tell you how broken I am feeling right now. How scared. This is my life long dream and one in which my husband has grown to desire as well. I should let you know that our social worker does not for see this as being a problem, but prayers are so needed and appreciated!
I also need to let you know that we did not receive a grant from Shaohannah's Hope, which is now known as Show Hope. I can't say I'm surprised as they are the most well known adoption grant organization, thus lots of applications. However, I am still disappointed and trying to understand where God is leading us in this journey as right now, this adoption seems so impossible.
Let me just close in saying that the name God gave us for this little one truly fits all that has happened in our adoption. That alone is sustaining me in believing that God will follow through in His promise to us.
...Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me.