Tonight I am filled with trepidation. The girls are in bed, Chris is shoveling snow (an extra job he got this winter to pay the bills), and I sit here doing basically nothing. Oh I could be doing something, but I'm scared; full of trepidation.
You see I know that eventually I need to pull out of my file cabinet the folder marked Adoption. In that folder I will find letter after letter of denial for various adoption grants that we applied for last year. Being that it has been a year (a place we never thought we would ever get to in this adoption journey), it is time for me to re-apply. I'm filled with trepidation though because it is a TON of work. Last year it was work with just one toddler. This year I have an active, crawling seven month old and a spirited two and a half year old. I'm one of those people who likes to sit down and get the job done all in one setting without interruption. Obviously not going to happen in this house, not right now anyway. But I need to bite the bullet and do it as I know it can help our adoption. Yet fear of doing all that work just to get rejected again is gnawing at me.
I come to you, once again to ask for prayers. Could you all please pray that I can get over this fear and just give it all to God. Of course, I also wouldn't mind you asking God to make all this work worth something. :)
Sometime I ask myself where my faith went? Remember this post? I want that little girl back in me and to live confidently and not with trepidation! Please pray!