Recently someone asked me if "J" reads our blog. To my knowledge, she does not. We have never told her about it. However, that doesn't mean she hasn't found it. The blogging world is a VERY small world admist the big blogging world. I know it seems like such a contradiction, but seriously with the way social media is, posts can spread like wildfire all over the internet. So maybe she has read it.
Right now I write to write. I'm honest in my feelings, but I also know because I am honest from the perspective of being an adoptive mom, it may hurt her feelings from the perspective of being her birthmom.
I pray that it doesn't. Because my heart is never to offend but to be honest in my feelings.
Part of me wants her a part of our life. The other part of me is happy for the semi-open relationship we have now.
Sigh..adoption is so much harder than I ever thought.
Even now, 14 months after we adopted Xiomara, I think of "J" every.single.day! I wonder what she is doing. I try and picture what Xiomara's life would be like with her. I just can't help it. It must be the mom in me relating to the mom in her.
Do any other adoptive moms feel this way? Or am I the only one out there like this?