No one wants to experience a failed adoption. Even though the child you were all set in place to adopt isn't legally yours, your heart has been opened and you have spent many nights dreaming of him/her. It hurts.
I realize I never spent much time talking about our failed adoption. It was too fresh and raw at the time to do so. Today, I thought I would share three tips to help a family who has gone through a failed adoption.
1. Listen. Acknowledge the loss, make sure they know you care by saying "I'm sorry", but stop there! Don't ask questions, or tell the story of a friend who you know who went through the same thing, don't assume the birthmom is horrible for changing her mind either. There is a story to every story and unless the adoptees want to share, just be there for them as a listening ear when and if they want to share.
2. Bring them a meal. When our adoption feel through, it literally felt like a child of mine had died. I wanted to stay in bed all day, hide, and cry. The last thing I wanted to do is cook. So bring over a meal (but remember just drop it off and leave as they probably aren't up for entertaining). If they have other children in the home, bring some cookies to cheer up their day (they are probably hurting too).
3. Pray. There is nothing much better than asking God to heal the hurt, give them peace, and to protect the birthmom/child.
Anyway you look at it, failed adoption stinks. But hopefully, with a little help from you, and a lot of help from God, they can get through it and come out stronger on the other side!