Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A year goes by...

One year ago today, you became offically "ours" according to the court but in our hearts you always were ours since your first mom, "J" placed you in our arms.

Zoelle said today, "Mom, Xiomara doesn't even know she had another mom before she had you as her mom." I stared at her in wonder because we don't typically talk about your adoption every day. We don't label you as "adopted". We acknowledge that it is a part of you, but it does not define you. Thus when your big sister said that this morning, it caused me to really stop and think. She is right honey. Right now, at almost a year and a half old, you don't know about her. Oh I whisper to you as you fall asleep each day that "J" loves you. Or I often will exclaim to your daddy how happy "J" would be to see you hit each milestone.

But no babe, right now, you don't know her. And in reality, all you will ever know while you are a young child is that she was a part of your past. That she loved you enough to sacrifice her hapiness for yours.

However, she can always be a part of your future. We will talk of her, we will continue to send her letters and pictures, and someday when your dad and I feel you are ready, and if you so desire to, I really hope you get to meet her.

So that way you will know that you really did have a mom before me. For two whole days. And that even though you couldn't see her or talk with her, she was still that mom that lived inside you from the moment she placed you in my arms.

Happy finalization day honey! Know that "J", your dad, and I all love you!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Happy Birthday "J"

I see you in every smile, I think of you every time she calls me mama, and I feel you in the very heart of her.

We are connected through this tiny little girl we both call daughter. The one we both love with our whole hearts.

I hope you have an amazing day. And even though you may never see this or read this, I wanted to share this video of Xiomara dancing. I can hear your laughter as you view it and I think you deserve that today.

Love you and Happy Birthday from all of us!!