Tuesday, November 29, 2011

When God asks me to wait....again.

Sigh..here it is the end of November, National Adoption Month, and I feel as if I did nothing to support adoption. I mean sure I posted a few blog posts here and there and posted on facebook, but I'm not so sure that changes someone's heart?

What I really wanted to do this November was to change lives for adoption. To support adoptive parents, to support foster care, to support birth parents.




I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I really wanted to do it.

Not for me, but for them...the waiting children, the anxious birthmom, the lonely child. I wanted to help them.




And I'm pretty sure I failed.

I'll be honest, I'm really struggling with where to "fit in" in the adoption world. We aren't currently adopting, and I'm not sure we ever will again. Yet, after knowing the adoption world, I feel like I can't just step out of it and back into the "regular" world. If I did that, I'd feel like I was turning a blind eye to all the hurt, loss, need, and beauty in adoption.




So I sit here tonight with my tea in my hands wondering just where God would have us "fit in". What does He have for us?

I thought I knew, but now, now I'm just now sure. I feel lost, alone, and sad.




So I stand with my hands stretched wide asking God, "What now?" and like a whispered wind blowing across my heart, He tells me, "Wait daughter. Wait.".

So for now, I wait. •

2 comments:

Dawn said...

oh Vanessa! you THINK you have failed, but you have not. altho i am not going to be adopting in the near future (at least i don't THINK i am...but God may have other plans that i'm not seeing yet), what i have read about your adoption journey has given me new eyes regarding adoption. i always used to see it as "romantic" in a way....the prospect of helping a hurting or unwanted child, being a *new* mom again....sigh :\ but you have helped me realize there is so much more to it than that. i have always really known there is a LOT more to it than that, but you have put it out there so clearly that i (and others) can't help but see that things aren't always easy as the commercials and ads make it look. plus, i never before considered the birth mom....just always thought "HOW could anyone give their baby away like that?" i just didn't get it. the compassion and love you have for these birth moms is so amazing! thank you for posting about them!
so, if you think you have failed, i am here to tell you (again) that you have not! i for one have been forever changed and i'm sure there are many many more who have been too. thank you!

Vanessa said...

Dawn-You are SO incredibly kind to me. I am in tears here reading what you wrote. It is exactly what I needed to hear. <3

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