Sigh..here it is the end of November, National Adoption Month, and I feel as if I did nothing to support adoption. I mean sure I posted a few blog posts here and there and posted on facebook, but I'm not so sure that changes someone's heart?
What I really wanted to do this November was to change lives for adoption. To support adoptive parents, to support foster care, to support birth parents.
I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I really wanted to do it.
Not for me, but for them...the waiting children, the anxious birthmom, the lonely child. I wanted to help them.
And I'm pretty sure I failed.
I'll be honest, I'm really struggling with where to "fit in" in the adoption world. We aren't currently adopting, and I'm not sure we ever will again. Yet, after knowing the adoption world, I feel like I can't just step out of it and back into the "regular" world. If I did that, I'd feel like I was turning a blind eye to all the hurt, loss, need, and beauty in adoption.
So I sit here tonight with my tea in my hands wondering just where God would have us "fit in". What does He have for us?
I thought I knew, but now, now I'm just now sure. I feel lost, alone, and sad.
So I stand with my hands stretched wide asking God, "What now?" and like a whispered wind blowing across my heart, He tells me, "Wait daughter. Wait.".
So for now, I wait.