Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What I Want You To Know

Often adoption can define people.

But I don't want that for Xiomara.

I want Christ to define her, not being adopted.

I want people to look at Xiomara and see her for who she is, not how she came to be.

I long for the day people will introduce us and say, "This is Chris, Vanessa, and their three girls." Right now, I hear, "This is Chris, Vanessa, their two own girls, and this is the girl they adopted."

I don't want people to treat her special or different because she is adopted or because they are afraid to hurt her feelings.

I long for her to be normal in the eyes of others.

For you see in our eyes, adoption does not define who she is. Yes, it is a part of her, but it isn't her. Her past is her past. It doesn't matter if her birthmom did or didn't use drugs or alcohol. It doesn't matter what her birthfather looked like or did. It doesn't matter why she was given up for adoption.

None of that defines her.

Instead, with her adoption came a new life. Adoption is one of the greatest examples of Christ's love for us in human form. He adopts us as His sons and daughters, just as we adopted Xiomara. He doesn't ask questions. He doesn't look for something wrong in each passing momement.

Instead He loved us, took us in, and called us His own. Adoption became part of who we are, but it doesn't define us. He does.

Are you letting adoption define someone you know in your life? Are you looking for them to fail because you have labeled them as adopted?


  1. Yuck!! I HATE when people do that to families who have adopted. Or this one: "they couldn't have children of their own, so..." Or its close companion "two are their own and one is adopted." Gross!!

  2. I can't imagine people introducing you that way. Obviously she is adopted, so why point *that* out? I see all adopted kids as the parents own kids. Aren't they?

  3. I can't believe people put it like that. I know they just aren't thinking... but still. I feel a little guilty occasionally when I happen to smile at families who have members with different ethnicities, lest they think that's why I'm smiling! (I'm overanalyzing, I know, but I'm super-sensitive about the "own kids" thing.) I pray too that as time passes, you only hear, "and their daughters." And Xiomara is a tremendous personality, with a smile like that, people are going to have to see WHO she is. She's amazing.

  4. You know, my sister makes a lot of the same comments about her twin girls. She doesn't want them being a twin defining them. She doesn't want people to catagorize them or label them like "this is the happy one, and this is the crabby one."
    For a long time, I felt defined by being a child of divorce. It really rocked me. It wasn't until I was an adult when I felt redeemed from that, and given a new identity. I pray that for your daughter as well.

  5. Very well put Vanessa. It's not our past that defines us, but who we are in Christ. Can't wait to meet your new little one in person some day. I love seeing all your pictures of your growing family on face book.

  6. Very well put. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Your love for your three daughters is so evident in this posting.

    My husband and I are parents of one biological child and one adopted child. We too have been bothered by the comments that people make about her being adopted but I believe that these comments are often made out of genuine niceness and care.

    Here is what I mean:

    #1) People want to praise that fact that we adopted. They view it as a positive and want to bring that out. (The fact that we adopted not because it is something great to do but God called us to do it is another topic of conversation in itself!)

    #2) People want to make it clear that our child was not a result of an "infidelity." As awful as that is we have asked several people why they mentioned the fact that our baby girl is adopted and this reason has come up every time!

    What a joy it is though to be parents, to be touched by adoption, and ultimately what a great joy it is to know that because of Christ's perfect life, death, and resurrection that we are adopted into His family!

  7. Melissa-I hate it too! Unfortunately, it has happened to us more than we care to admit. :(

    Salena-That is how I see all adopted kids as well. Others apparently do not though. :(

    Mandy-That brings up such a good point as I often do the same (and feel guilty too). What a wonderful comment about Xiomara! :) I never thought of that smile being used that way. Thanks! :)

    Gretchen-Yes my mommy friends who have twins often say the same thing. Thank you too for sharing your thoughts on being a child of divorce. What a label for a child to live with. So glad God redeemed that area! :) I pray the same for Xiomara.

    Kelley-Thank you so much! I hope someday soon you can meet her, but for now I'm glad we can connect via Facebook! :)

    Proverbs-Such a good point that you made. I think sometimes people are pointing it out for the reasons you mentioned (which are good reasons). Somehow though, I just wish they still didn't have to point it out. Yet it is reality. A lot of it too is in the tone of voice as they say it. Some mean well, others want to define her as adopted (not a part of us). But yes, what joy to see Christ through this adoption!! :)


Have something on your heart? Share it here.