Tuesday, June 22, 2010

In search of: Clarity

So many thoughts are swirling thru my mind that I need to come blog to clear my head. Plus it helps you as my friends and family know what you need to pray about.

First of all, last Friday we were able to talk to "J" our birthmom by phone. I'm not going to share much about that phone call except to say that she is really an amazing woman who wants what is best for this baby. I was so nervous going into the phone call, but I left the phone conversation feeling as if it could not have gone any better. After our first jittery nervous laughter was over with we talked and talked. I honestly could have talked to her a lot longer but we all have our lives and had to go. We have another phone conference this Friday, so if you would all be in prayer for that to go just as smoothly, we would appreciate that.

The only request "J" has of us is that if we would trust her enough to be down there for either the birth or right after. We knew going into the phone conversation that if she asked this of us, we would be completely honest. So we were. We told her that we are scared and very nervous about the 10 day revocation time and that we need to pray about it. It is our desire that we be able to give her an answer by this Friday during our phone conference.

Some things you should know about us traveling. We feel very strongly about bringing both girls down with us. For one, I'm still nursing Meridian and 10 days without nursing would be way too hard on both of us. We would like to bring Zoelle with because she is very astute to what is going on and because we want this adjustment to go smoother for her than the adjustment to Meridian went. You should also know that once in Georgia, my Uncle and Aunt have so graciously allowed us to stay at their home. I cannot even begin to tell you what a relief that brings knowing we won't have to pay for a hotel stay. So basically, all we are trying to figure out now is when to travel and how to travel.

Here are the options we have right now:

1. It has always been my prayer that I could be at our adopted child's birth or as soon after as possible. This would be the ideal situation. Thus we would travel probably 24 hours after birth, because at this point the birthmom has at least signed papers. We would then wait the 10 days while ICPC (paperwork between the two states) went thru and for the revocation period to be done. Most likely at some point during those 10 days, Chris and Zoelle would go back home, while a friend would fly down to help me with baby and Meridian. It's too long for Chris to be gone from work thus he'd have to fly back. Risk: Birthmom changes her mind. Pros: We'd be there right away for bonding and I'd be able to breastfeed baby. Cons: We are out time and travel money if she changes her mind.

2. We wait for the 10 day revocation period to be up and then all travel down, do the ICPC paperwork and wait a few days, even weeks for that to go thru, then we go back. Again, depending on how long ICPC takes, Chris and Zoelle would go back earlier. Risk: None.  Pros: No money or time is risked.  Cons: We miss out on the first days of bonding and me on breastfeeding.

3. This option just came to me today. Meridian and I would travel down right away and wait, followed by just Chris at the end of the 10 day revocation period. However, I'm thinking this option may be out as ICPC cannot begin without Chris there and I would want that paperwork started right away so we didn't have to be away from home any longer than necessary. Risk: Birthmom changes her mind. Pros: We'd be there right away for bonding and I'd be able to breastfeed baby. Cons: We are out time and travel money if she changes her mind.

So far I'm liking option #1 the most and Chris is leaning more towards option #2. I'm thinking option #3 is probably out just because we want to start the paperwork asap!
As far as how to get there, that is a whole different problem. We really don't want to drive. Not with two kids (3 on the way back), 25 hours, and a vehicle that hasn't been the most reliable lately. Our other option is obviously to fly, but everything is so expensive and then I would feel terrible missing out on that money if during the 10 day period she didn't place. I wish money were not a factor, because if it weren't, I'd travel immediately!
Sigh....as you can see we are so conflicted. In every other area of this adoption, we feel peace. However, traveling and when to travel is a sea of confusion. Would you all please pray that God would give us a clear direction on how to travel and when?


  1. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    God has a family that is just a picture in your heart, already planned out and ready for you all to be a special part of!

    May you continue to have the courage to pursue this dream God has lain on your heart!

    I will continue to pray.


  2. Thank you so much Mandy! You know I appreciate that!

  3. I just want to say that the cons all have to do with fear and money. The fear for heartbreak I understand, but I want to encourage you to step out in faith that God will protect your hearts. And as for money...God has provided for you to this point and will continue to do so. Easy for me to say, I know, because I am not in your position. I really believe that the initial bonding and especially the breastfeeding is and will be very important to your new baby and I think it speaks volumes that the birth mother wants you present. I hope Friday's call alleviates some of your anxiety about the 10 day revocation period. Continue to trust God with your hearts in this and allow Him to comfort you and protect you regardless of what happens. Step out with boldness.

  4. Teri Rae-Such wise, wise words. You know it never even occured to me that the cons were just driven based off of fear. Something that God does not want us to have in this. I know that if she chooses not to place, whether we are down there or not, I will be heartbroken. But like you said, God can heal our hearts. It's just the fear over the money right now that I need to get over. Because to me, it is very important to honor her with that one request and to be able to have that baby immediately.

    Thanks for sharing and praying! :)


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