Wednesday, April 14, 2010

An Open Letter To God

Dear God,

Sometimes I just don't understand. I don't understand why you have chosen us to be the couple that has to wait forever to adopt. Why did we have to have a failed adoption? Why has it been almost two years and still no babe in our arms?

Sometimes I just don't understand. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes I just want to scream.

Sometimes I just want to hold that babe in my arms so badly I can almost feel it. I often dream about the babe Lord. Or even find myself almost mistakenly calling out for the baby while getting ready to go somewhere. As in, "Chris, you have _______ right?".

You do understand how long two years is right Lord? That we don't want to have to go through this another year, but yet feel so strongly in our hearts that we are to keep going until he/she is in our arms? You do understand that each day my heart feels like it is breaking in two waiting?

How much longer God? It's the only thing I really want to know, feel like I need to know. I don't know if my heart can handle much more Lord. I hurt. I want this to be over with. Sigh...I don't know Father...I just don't know.

Please God right now I just need a glimmer, just a glimmer of hope. Anything to know that you still truly care, that we are where you want us to be, and most of all that I can keep doing this.

A year from now I'll watch as my tan little baby takes his/her first steps and know that you had us wait just for him/her and that it was worth every single tear. I'll know that you do restore the years the locusts have eaten. But now, right now, I'm having hard time seeing through the fog.

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