Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dear J,

I've been sitting here for the last half hour trying to figure out what to write. How to express to you in words my thankfulness to you. For you see in seven short minutes it will be Mother's Day. And you won't have your baby in your arms. On the day you should be celebrating being a mom to her, she will she will be in my arms. I'll be celebrating while you are crying. And that has to hurt. To know that another mama is holding your little girl, while you ache to see her just one more time.

I'm not sure my words could ever adequately cover over any pain you have. I'm not sure I could ever convince you that I will be, or am, just as good of a mama as you would have been to her. I'm not sure any bouquet of flowers will replace the daughter whom you have placed for adoption.

I can't take away the everyday hurt, the everyday longing to hug and kiss her. But I can promise you just as I did 10 months ago to the day, that I do and I will love her as if she came from my tummy. That I will raise her up so you can be proud of her one day. That she will know you as her mama who loved her so much that you sacrified your happiness for hers.

And that "J" is amazing! Happy Mother's Day from all of us here. We love you!